上海18个区县“一模”英语作文带来哪些启示(2)

时间:2011-03-01 13:09 来源:未知作者:转载点击: 次

Birthdayshouldbeextendedtoadeeperthinkingoflife.Daysaregonewhenweweresurroundedbythosewholovedusandweresoakedin"happybirthdaytoyou."Instead,itshouldbeourturntocareaboutotherswithourrespectandaffectio

　　Birthdayshouldbeextendedtoadeeperthinkingoflife.Daysaregonewhenweweresurroundedbythosewholovedusandweresoakedin"happybirthdaytoyou."Instead,itshouldbeourturntocareaboutotherswithourrespectandaffection.Nomancanliveinthissocietywithoutbeingconnectedtoothers.

　　Allwe’vegainedislargelyduetoothers’devotionandsacrifice.Ourbirthdayhasprovideduswithaplatformtopaybackwhatwe’vetakenforgrantedandcherishwhatwe’veobtained.Showyourgratitudeandrespect;giveahelpinghandtothosewhoaredesperateforhelp.Allthatmakesourworldabetterplacewillmakeourbirthdaymeaningfulandproveourbeingmature.That’swhatbirthdaysareallabout!

　　点评：

　　该文章首先符合题目要求，而且逻辑性很强，中心段紧紧扣住respect和give两个字眼；再者，文中不乏精妙表达，如："throwacrazyparty,honorthehardships,spelltwowords,beextendedto,besoakedin,takeforgranted,beallabout"；另外在从句应用上也十分出彩，如"paybackwhatwe’vetakenforgrantedandcherishwhatwe’veobtained；giveahelpinghandtothosewhoaredesperateforhelp；That’swhatbirth－daysareallabout!"；最值得一提的是该学生在字里行间所折射出的思想成熟之美和具有体悟生活的哲理之美。

　　可见该作者在平日语言学习中不仅懂得积累，懂得灵活运用，而且还使自己的眼光更加深邃，洞察社会的能力更加敏锐，对待生活的态度更加自然，面对人生的道路更加自信。这是篇高分作文。

　　第二篇的优势是语言平实而层次脉络清晰：

　　Everyonehashisorherownbirthday,soeveryyearthereisaspecialdayforustocelebrate.Yet,howtoobserveitisamatterofpersonaltaste。

　　Takemyselfasanexample,whenitcomestomybirthdayeveryyear,mymumwillreserveabigdinnerinarestaurant.Thewholefamilygathertogether,celebratingmybirthdayandwishingmeahappylifeandasuccessfulfuture.Thenweeatnoodleswhichsymbolizelongevity.Itseemslikeahappyday,butnotnecessarilyaverymeaningfulone。

　　Inmyopinion,asitisaspecialdayinourlife,whichmeansasteptowardsourgrowth,weshouldspenditinamoremeaningfulway.Firstofall,asitwasourmumwhogavebirthtousyearsago,withdayspassingby,it’stimeforustoshowourloveandgratitude.Wecandosomehouseworkorjustsay"Thankyouforyourcareandlove."Moreover,weshouldextendourconcerntootherswhoareinneedofloveandcare.Alsowecanspendthedayinthecommunityhelpingoldpeopleorofferingtotakecareofchildren。

　　Lastbutnotleast,thewholefamilycangoonanexcursioninsteadofhavingabigdinner.It’sawonderfultimetoexposeourselvestonature。

　　Inmyview,itmeansmuchmoretochooseourownwaytocelebrateourbirthday。

　　点评：尽管没有华丽的辞藻，没有复杂的句型，但行文流畅，层次清晰，是篇能效仿的好文章。这点提醒我们，只要懂得灵活应用，只要表达恰如其分，哪怕是基本词汇，通过非谓语动词和一些句型，亦能妙笔生花。可惜的是结尾戛然而止，有些流于平淡。

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